Sunday, December 5, 2010

where's the magnifying lens?

Just as I managed to portray the strong woman whose willpower of steel and patience of diamonds allows her to scoff at the pregnancy tests and say not for me now, I will decide when...I have decided in the spur of the moment to pee on one tiny stick, just one teensy little one...it's so small, it can't harm anybody, right?

I waited, and waited.  Then I started to think my eyes were creating lines again where there weren't any.  I thought I saw the reagent line very faintly.  I showed it to MrH, who adamantly said he did not see it at all. I had just had two cups of tea, and it was not really the morning anymore, and it's only day 11 of embryonic life, so I thought what the heck, let's do another one, a FRER this time (first response, which are more accurate and more expensive), and an obvious but very faint line that even MrH could not deny appeared, within a few seconds.  We both looked at the line, and shrugged.  "I guess it's a positive" I said.  "It's early", MrH cautiously replied.  "I've seen it like this before" (and no pregnancy happened in the end, as the embryo died, was implied).  "It's a line, not a baby." Duh.  I don't know what to make of it.  Given my previously having positives that amount to nothing in a matter of days, I am not getting excited, I am not feeling pregnant, and I am more confused than anything else.  Where is this going?  Is this one going to stick?  All I can say is, it's a good start.  Let's wait and see, and cautiously smile a tiny bit.

If anyone who knows me in real life is reading this blog, then I ask of you to please not congratulate me or anything silly like this, the less we get excited about it in real life, the less memories I have to cry about if I end up with a chemical pregnancy again.

7 comments:

  1. hoping this is it for you
    xoxo
    lis

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  2. I knew it! :) Hahaha...the reason is that we are to similar, as I always say and, most probably, I would have done it to! :)
    See you tomorrow if you feel good.
    xoxo

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  3. Hoping that line only continues to get darker for you!!

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  4. hoping that the line continues to darken. ♥

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  5. Fingers crossed for good news soon!

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  6. we are praying for you
    Tamara Clarke

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