I find it hard to say Happy Mother's Day today on this blog, because I know that the women reading it (assuming that anybody actually is still reading:) often are not yet mothers, or they lost babies and hence the word "mother" is filled with pain and grief. Despite that, in real life I blurt out Happy Mother's day to everyone around me (even to a male police officer-don't ask), assuming that everyone is happy to celebrate like I currently am.
Currently. There was a time when this day was up there on the list of bad days to survive through. I recall a time when there were women with children and babies all around me, and not a single one I knew was struggling the way I was. I remember feeling singled out, pitied, unworthy. It was not so long ago...
I wonder if there is anything that I could say today to the woman that I was back then, with the life experience in between then-me and now-me. It would likely sound like this, stripped bare of all embellishments: Life is what it is. What you see now is what your reality is. Accept it. Hope is good and necessary, but even more than hope and living in a dream about the future, make the most of what you have been handed today. Try to limit the amount of time spent feeling sorry for yourself, and ask yourself what you can do now to life today to the fullest.
I know that, although I am happy and fulfilled today, the future will bring more pain and loss. It always does. I hope that when it does, I am strong enough to remember this principle. Make the best of what you have today, and do not linger in the self-pity party. Go on and life might bring on more joy.
Luckily, for me it did, and after all that loss, there was a day like today, when MrH, Emma and Daniel took me to a restaurant for dinner and I had a chance to look at my living children (I even brought Adrian's urn too) and to feel immensely blessed. I know that today is the day that we thank mothers, and I did thank mine, for doing a great job of loving and caring for us. However, even more importantly for me, I gave thanks to my children today for coming into my life and making me a mother.