Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!  It sure is a long time since I have posted (again).  Life with Emma does not allow for much time for extras, such as ironing clothes, doing banking, or blogging.  She is a very high demand for attention little lady.  Even now, as I have decided that I am posting no matter what, she is on the table, in front of the monitor, with her arms around the screen so that I cannot see anything, trying to grab the keyboard that is on my lap, and distracting me by breaking the CD collection next to the computer.  Right now she is pulling on my clothes and screaming bloody murder.  I am certainly not paying attention to her at all and managing to concentrate 100% on what I am doing here, hehe.

This Christmas I have baked like a mad woman.  I don't know if you guys remember my Thermomix obsession, that little kitchen appliance that I wanted to marry if bigamy were not forbidden.  I got some new cookbooks for Thermomix, and because it is required that one follow the instructions exactly by the letter, the food actually turns out as if someone else made it, not me.  (Someone very gifted in the kitchen and with very little fear of saturated fats). Usually when I read a recipe, I approximate and get inspired, but never follow by the letter.  In this case, I am very impressed by how good the recipes are turning out by following the cooking books to the letter, and we have been eating very well lately.  So well that I have gained 5 lb in the past month!  It is time I stopped having chocolate tart for breakfast...

Aside:  I used to be very strict about Emma's TV watching habits, but right now I can safely say that if it were not for my computer screen playing Youtube videos (right now "your baby can read") I would not be able to finish this blogpost.  Anytime I have to do something that does not combine well with Emma pulling on my clothes and trying to get my attention, I use youtube or good ol' Dora.  I would really like to know if this is likely to damage her brain and also if it qualifies me to apply for worst mother of the year award.  

Lately I am also not blogging because I feel tired.  There have been a bunch of incidents where people have behaved meanly towards me and my family, and although this is normal part of life, lately it has been happening a lot more often and lead to tiredness and overall weariness on my part.  I have had bad sleep for a few nights, and also generalized worrying about what the future will bring.  I have the feeling that we have landed in the middle of some bad people, and although I am probably right, this is the type of thing that is best suppressed to the subconscious, otherwise it turns one into a paranoid person.  I am starting to sleep better, but am feeling harassed by my fellow human beings, who lately have displayed more evil than good.

Emma is the one thing in my life that brings me joy.   She is beautiful, and smart, and seems to be very kind.  She is a little lady.  Hates to eat but loves to drink Perrier water.  Probably because I read too many French books while pregnant with her.  She also loves dark chocolate.  She has thinned out and lengthened a lot in the past three months.  I have no idea what percentiles she is on at the moment, as I have not taken her to the clinic to measure her, I just let her step on the scale in the morning (she loves to do that, as she sees me doing it and must think that I am having such great fun weighing myself, haha).  She is probably still around the 90th percentile for weight and for height as far as I can tell.

Overall, even when unhappy with my environment, I have to honestly say that having Emma and MrH makes me feel a lot better overall than when I was struggling to have her.  I think infertility and lack of a family is such a difficult task to bear, that very little compares to that.  It is easier to lose one's friends and become the pariah of the local group than to struggle to have a baby and not be able to.  Just my feeling at the moment.  Not meant to upset anybody, just to validate how very hard infertility has been for me and probably is for others.

Today I am thinking of all of you ladies who are struggling to complete your families, and want to send you all love and a big supportive hug.  May the future bring you peace and fulfilment.

Now I am off to polish the remainder of the chocolate tart.  Will post pictures.