Friday, December 17, 2010

the fight for optimism

Had some more spotting last night, and today it has completely stopped.  I am not worried anymore, and sure that it was due to implantation.  As many people know, one can spot and downright bleed during a pregnancy many times and things can still go well.  I definitely did not freak out during this pregnancy to the extent that I did with Adrian, when I was a novice to these things. I am now a veteran of pregnancy mishaps, having suffered from subchorionic hemorrhage last time, and unexplained bleeding at 15 weeks, none of which amounted to anything, only to lose the pregnancy at 20 weeks with absolutely no symptoms at all.  Which goes to show, that symptoms are only that, symptoms, and one cannot read the end of a pregnancy into every new development.  It would be like worrying that your child would die at every cold or infection.  The embryos and fetuses have some resilience, and we need to believe in their will to survive as well.  Plus, on the negative side of the truth, just like it happened with me and Adrian, one can lose a pregnancy at the drop of a hat with no symptoms at all.  A baby can die in utero suddenly and without explanation.  Why live waiting for that to happen though, when there is so much hope to look forward to?

This bleeding episode made me think about the attitude that I want to take during this pregnancy.  I cannot simply wait for it to end with every breath, like my negative side is trying to convince me. I will fight for this pregnancy, and believe in it with all my heart.  Part of the fight is the mental attitude in which I believe that I will bring home a baby next summer, a healthy term baby.  I will believe in my baby's own fighting power and will for life, which makes it develop so beautifully.  I will not go into my next blood test and ultrasound with the attitude that I already know there will be bad news.  Why should I believe that?  I deserve to hope for a baby and a good pregnancy just like any other pregnant woman.  I realize that it will not be easy, but I want to give myself that, and will strive for that optimistic goal one day at a time.  Today I am doing well.


  1. Good for you!! Your attitude is the best!! I had bleeding with both of my sons...which turned out to be nothing. With my stillbirth, I had no symptoms at all, no bleeding. No rhyme or just happened. I am glad you are going to enjoy this pregnancy.

  2. You have such a fantastic attitude and are so inspiring to me, I'm trying really hard to not let fear by my focus! Hoping you don't experience anymore bleeding!