I spent a blissful four days this week during which I did not spot at all, and felt nauseated frequently. I don't like feeling very nauseous, but a little bit is good, because it reassures me. I was so happy that I would wake up at night of too much happiness, and then be unable to fall asleep again. I even had a little break during which to start bonding with babyH, and realize that I am growing my husband's child, what an enormous happiness and privilege for which I have fought so hard.
Then, last night, just as I finally started going to the bathroom without examining every molecule of toilet paper for traces of red, brown or yellow, I got another tablespoon of bright blood, no microscope required, as it soaked through the paper. I wish it would STOP! It makes me so worried and sick whenever I see it! I phoned my OB again today (no, he did not change his phone number yet, so might as well take advantage while I can) and told him that, although I know what he is going to say, I just need to hear it again. He reiterated that it is harmless bleeding, and that it might be going on and off for the first 13 weeks of pregnancy, until the placenta covers the entire uterine surface area, and there's no more decidua left to bleed from. I felt more reassured and made it through the day without further bleeding. But what a way to take the joy away from a pregnancy, I tell ya! (It's not like the second trimester promises to be more joyful, with worries about my anemic, dwarf-size cervix, so can I please at least have my first trimester in peace?)
Tomorrow I am going for my ultrasound. I am 6 weeks today (the clinic recalculated my dates and put me back one day, for which I sulked for a while, because damn it, I am FIGHTING HARD over here to make it through every day and you can't just take a day away from me just like that), so the chances of seeing the heartbeat are a bit on the slim side. However, with Adrian I saw it at 6w1d. MrH thinks that babyH is a girl, and hence that she will be smaller and less developed than Adrian, who was quite big for his gestational age (was 409 g at 20w). He does not know that all my offspring are overachievers by definition.
Perhaps I should stop comparing all of the gestational stages with Adrian's, so that babyH has his/her own gestational journey, but I can't help it, it is all I have for reference. Wish me luck for a heartbeat tomorrow, it really will help in the reassurance sector.