Wednesday-5 weeks today!

5 weeks today, babyH is looking handsome, at 2.5 mm length, positively gigantic.  I really needed to feed his massive body today, so I had some Christmas baked treats for snacks... this must STOP!  the excuse that I am now pregnant and therefore I can have dessert is nonsense.  I am usually very strict with my diet, and now, if anything, is a time during which everything that enters my mouth should be in the cleanest, purest shape. I still had my veggie juice and beet/tomato soup for dinner, chickpeas for lunch, and my usual breakfast of oatmeal, brazil nuts and chia seeds with soy milk, but I must absolutely stop eating sugar and drinking milk that is not strictly organic, the last thing I need in my bloodstream is extra insulin or an extra dose of growth hormone.  It is only a matter of time until I get gestational diabetes, given that my mom had it, and I have diabetes lurking in my genes.  Put together with a pregnancy during which I am not allowed to move much, and you get GD easily.

I have had a chat with my OB today.  We decided that, if everything goes smoothly, I will go off work at about 18 weeks, and then at 24 weeks I will go live in Vancouver for a few months, in case I need NICU, as it takes many, many hours to fly babies out of here.  My husband has to stay here, and I won't like being without him, but I would do  anything to give the baby a better chance. 

I can also have my cervix scanned for length regularly, at least every 2 weeks, to see if there are any changes before 18 weeks, and then go on bedrest earlier if the cervix is shortening.  I am starting off with a very short cervix, of only 2 cm or so, and he told me that my chance of preterm labour is 30%.  He also made sure to remind me that although most cerclages work, not all of them do,  but that if it fails it fails, there is nothing we can do to prevent it.  Naturally, after this conversation, I was a bit depressed today, and starting thinking of what am I going to do if I lose this baby in the same way... as I doubt very much that it would make any sense to try again.  However, I came to my senses after a long chat with my friend, and decided that if it fails, I will first have to find out why it failed (i.e. was it preterm labour? uterine rupture? cerclage failure? membrane prolapse? or preterm rupture of membranes) and then see if anything can be done about it, then decide what to do next.  It is impossible for me to decide now what I would do then, because I don't have all the data, so I am going to stop worrying and enjoy the fact that babyH is starting to develop a heart, which will be beating in the next 2 days or so.  He is also growing eyes!   How exciting!  

I have started to picture myself with a baby.  That is definitely progress.  I have even thought of child care.  I am really jumping the gun here.  But, like I said, must let mind do its own thing.  Mind knows what it wants and cannot be stopped anyway.