Just as I managed to portray the strong woman whose willpower of steel and patience of diamonds allows her to scoff at the pregnancy tests and say not for me now, I will decide when...I have decided in the spur of the moment to pee on one tiny stick, just one teensy little one...it's so small, it can't harm anybody, right?
I waited, and waited. Then I started to think my eyes were creating lines again where there weren't any. I thought I saw the reagent line very faintly. I showed it to MrH, who adamantly said he did not see it at all. I had just had two cups of tea, and it was not really the morning anymore, and it's only day 11 of embryonic life, so I thought what the heck, let's do another one, a FRER this time (first response, which are more accurate and more expensive), and an obvious but very faint line that even MrH could not deny appeared, within a few seconds. We both looked at the line, and shrugged. "I guess it's a positive" I said. "It's early", MrH cautiously replied. "I've seen it like this before" (and no pregnancy happened in the end, as the embryo died, was implied). "It's a line, not a baby." Duh. I don't know what to make of it. Given my previously having positives that amount to nothing in a matter of days, I am not getting excited, I am not feeling pregnant, and I am more confused than anything else. Where is this going? Is this one going to stick? All I can say is, it's a good start. Let's wait and see, and cautiously smile a tiny bit.
If anyone who knows me in real life is reading this blog, then I ask of you to please not congratulate me or anything silly like this, the less we get excited about it in real life, the less memories I have to cry about if I end up with a chemical pregnancy again.