Tuesday, November 9, 2010

where's my period when I need it?

Period was due today but did not arrive yet, and this is throwing off my carefully orchestrated plans for travel for this IVF.  If I do get pregnant, this will be my last period for a while.  If I get pregnant now, I would be due on August 17, 2011, or somewhere around that date, depending on when the transfer actually happens (plus one to two days).  I don't know why I keep on calculating the hypothetical due date, I realize that it is an exercise in futility, since I usually don't get pregnant, but I can't help myself.

As you can see from this post, I am very negative about the IVF outcome, somehow I don't think it will work.  I have never had any success with a frozen cycle and I don't believe that they are as likely to work as the fresh ones, but they are unavoidable in my case.  Please spare me the speech on optimism, I have tried optimism before and it did not work either, so I won't stress out about my pessimism on top of everything else I have to stress about.  Like my bloody period (pun not intended) not coming on time when I need it to.  Or like the fact that I am so hungry all the time from the stupid Suprefact that I want to eat anything that isn't chained to the fridge.  In particular I could easily devour a whole sand dune made of sugar, palm tree and camel included.

I am also very impatient around pregnant women.  In particular this past week for some reason they annoy me to no end, even though the poor things have done nothing wrong.  I don't mind all of them, in particular my clients at work do not annoy me ever, perhaps because I need to focus on their health and my mind is busy taking care of details, but there are certain pregnant women outside the work environment that annoy me incredibly, and it is hard to say why, especially that so far they have not.  I think it is linked with the fact that I know in one month or less they will serve as painful reminders of what I cannot have, just as they have done (not willingly, of course) in the past, so many times.  I am already preparing myself mentally for the usual disappointment.  I know all too well what is going to hurt in the near future, and I think I am already resenting it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry, that's a whole pile of annoying when you least need it.