I had a weird dream last night. For the past couple of days, I have dreamt quite a few interesting things, amongst which the Third World War and a whole lot of bombing. Scary dreams like that...
Anyway, last night I dreamt that I was about to start this frozen cycle of IVF, and that upon going for an ultrasound they discovered that I was actually very pregnant, that I had somehow gotten pregnant from the previous IVF, and the doctors had missed that . I was even at term. I went in to the labour ward to have the baby, everything went really well, and the physician who did the delivery handed me a baby boy. She said that I was looking very much incredulous, like I did not think that this would finally happen, that this could happen.
The baby boy was so so cute. I held him, laughed at his baby faces, at his lovely mouth, I smelled his hair. I remember saying to the nurses that indeed I was amazed that he was here and quite incredulous that it had finally happened for me, but also now that he was here, he felt very much normal, like he belonged here, like this was exactly the way things should be. I was breastfeeding in the dream, and compared to other dreams, I remember a lot of detail, and it felt very much real.
Unfortunately the next day after birth, my baby became a mirage image, and he disintegrated. He was not real. I went back to the hospital and they told me that I had had a "hysterical pregnancy", or a pseudopregnancy. I was very embarrassed, and had to tell everyone who was asking me how the baby was that the baby hadn't been real, that I had created the whole thing with my mind.
Then I woke up.
Whatever could it mean? Hmmm, that's a hard one.