I calculated my BMI this week, and it was not pretty: 28. That officially places me right in the middle of the overweight range, close to obesity (obese would be 30). I have NEVER been this fat in my whole life. I have also never carried a pregnancy to term before either, so there we go. I cannot fit into any of my previous clothes. If I squeeze myself into a pair of exercise pants (we are talking about the stretchy black lycra type) I need to hold my breath and avoid sitting or else the industrial strength seams might crack. The other day I tried on my previous bathing suit for the pool (size 10) and I could not get it to slip past my knees. I called the triboutique company from which I order my swimming gear, and gave them my measurements: 41-37-44. They said that they don't carry anything in stock for this size (slightly larger than XL) but that they will order it in for me from the company that makes them. Sweet, but very embarrassing conversation indeed.
And while I am aware that I have just had a baby which I am currently trying to at least partially breastfeed with my limited milk supply, this cannot go on any longer. It is eroding on my confidence. I am going back to work in January and would like to have some clothes to wear other than my two pairs of size 12 jeans that barely zip up (optimistic recent purchase). I need to lose weight as much as I need air at this point. Hence I have declared the situation a state of emergency, at least until I lose enough to fit into my priorly fat clothes. This means that I am currently very strict with my diet, not having any sugar and limiting the fruit/grains to only one serving per meal at most. I also have small portions. I am hungry most of the time in the evenings. Starting from about 4 pm, I am hungry almost non stop until dinner, and then hungry again half an hour after dinner until I fall asleep. I hate being hungry all the time, but I know from previous experience that the hungry stage only lasts about one week, then the stomach shrinks to a smaller size and does not need to be fed every five minutes.
I also exercise every day, some kind of cardio (either running or elliptical) for 30 min and do the bodyrock.tv workouts. They are tough, but I can feel that they are helping build up my strength back quite quickly. I am already pleased with my abdominal muscles, I think that they will come back to their usual position and strength in the next month. Ditto for the quads. The only problem that I really need to work on lots is the upper body strength. I have never been able to do a proper chin-up and probably never will be able to due to the fact that I have spaghetti arms. But at least I wish I could go back to doing pushups. And that will require about one year of work, I am afraid. And on a more achievable level, I wish I could haul around the car seat with Emma in it without feeling like my forearms will fall off.
That is the current situation, and what I am busying myself with. The strange thing is, I have no self-hatred during this whole thing. Before I would have felt like I am a useless piece of sausage with no will power and would have kicked myself in order to motivate the change. Now I feel like I am doing it out of love for myself and for Emma (I want her to have a fit and beautiful mother that she is proud of, just like I did - my mom was my number one exercise partner until I moved to SmallTown in the North). And I feel like the effort to lose the weight is part of the small price that I have had to pay to have this wonderful baby. She is worth every bit of effort indeed, and I remember that each time I look at her (which is constantly).
I will post a "before" picture in my exercise pants and bra. And then, on the first of every month, I will post the "after" pictures.