protective instincts

There is a big difference between the iphone and the SLR camera after all.  I am a big fan of iphone pictures, because they are so easy to do and to post, but hey, if I have the extra time, it looks like the SLR is awesome, especially when accompanied by the newly borrowed/hijacked 50 mm lens that was MrH's and still is but is now held hostage by my sweaty paws...

Today I got too ambitious and then got overwhelmed and then I cried.  I went shopping to the local grocery store with the stroller and the baby.  Emma wanted to eat the whole day today, and then she kept on falling asleep at the boob, so I think she never got full, hence she wanted to eat some more soon after.  So I had to breastfeed in the store, and I get a bit stressed out because I expect of myself to be all natural and not embarrassed about baring my breasts in public (in BC it is legal to do it anywhere, and you don't have to cover up, which is why I have decided not to hide breastfeeding behind a screen like it is a bad thing), and then I had to push the stroller with one hand while holding Emma with the other and trying to protect her against the very fierce wind that kept on blowing the stroller off to one side and the blankets off her on the way back from the store.  And, to top it off, one of the cashiers came to hug her/hold her, without asking for permission, she was going to grab her in the infinite excitement of seeing such a small baby, when I politely pointed out that she was attached to my breast.  I felt ATTACKED!  I keep on telling people that she is too young to be held by the whole tribe, at the moment I don't want to overwhelm her with smells and sounds and viruses from everybody, when she has a couple more weeks on board it will be a different story.  

Anyway, I got home and cried and talked to MrH about how hard it is to go shopping with Emma as I don't have enough hands to breastfeed her and hold her and shop and push the stroller or the cart.  So we decided that until she is quite a bit older, and does not need to be fed so frequently, I am not going to take her to the grocery store.  I also feel like protecting her against people who are too excited and want to hold her, so I am going to only take her out around the block, not in very busy places, trying to avoid situations like today.  I think my instinct is to bunk up and protect my baby at this point, so I am going to do just that.  

Thankfully my mom is here for another three weeks, and she is very helpful.  She can do the grocery shopping for now.  I think I was expecting too much of myself.  I am already making pancakes with one hand while breastfeeding, I think if it could be done I would have been able to do it, but it frays my nerves too much, so I will give both myself and Emma a break from the public places.  

As far as day 12 of life goes, Emma is starting to treat me differently from the other family members.  She stops crying when I hold her, and whimpers with a different tone of voice, like trying to communicate to me.  She keeps her eyes open much more often and for longer periods of time while breastfeeding, and looks around interested.  She also smiles a lot, but probably as a reflex, while as today I think she smiled on purpose while I was blowing raspberries on her soft belly.  

And I am completely in love with her feet.  They are so cute and tiny.  I think I will spend a couple of hours photographing them (with the stolen/hijacked lens, of course).