Going home

After three months I am now going home, to my husband and parrots and cat.  I need to nest a little before Emma arrives.  So, Grandma in tow, I will be flying out of Vancouver on this rainy day.  I am definitely going to miss my parents, they have been great to me, and my brother with whom I have had a chance to connect, and my parents' dog who finally doesn't run away from me anymore (yep, that large German Shepherd who barks at everyone else menacingly is afraid of me, go figure).

I had a great time, and am pleased that I could reconnect with my friends as well.  I definitely have a lot of history in Vancouver and I suspect that will always make this place feel like home.  I am however antsy to see my own house, to set it up for the baby's arrival, and to sleep next to my husband for a change.  I also feel the need to take care of him.

Emma is very high under my ribs and she makes me short of breath very often now.  Yesterday, at the OB's office, I was suffocating on the table and had to sit up in a panic while he was trying to listen to the heartbeat.  My ribs are hurting constantly as well.  I can't wait for my uterus to finally tip forward and give me some room to breathe.  I know that because of the cerclage, Emma's head will never descend into the pelvis, so the only place that my uterus can go is forward, if my abdominal muscles allow it to.  At this point in time I wish I did not have "navy seal abs" like my OB once said, so that the whole heavy uterus can be allowed to dislodge from under my ribs and let me breathe.

Other than this relatively minor discomfort, I feel great.  No edema whatsoever thanks to the swimming.  Weight this morning 210 lb on mom's scale, I suspect it will be slightly less on mine.  (I have started this IVF at 155 lb and this pregnancy at 164 lb).  I should say that the total weight gain is now 55 lb (45 lb pregnancy, 10 lb IVF drugs).  I think at home, with my own diet and my own kitchen, it will be easier to control the salt intake and hence the weight might decrease a bit, or at least not increase any further.   At this point I am watching it more with scientific interest than with any real emotion, what will be will be.  (I am just curious how much of that weight really is mine).  I have gone through several sets of maternity pants, growing out of each pair sequentially.  The pants I am in now were so large at the beginning of the pregnancy that I considered donating them, but thought better of it and kept them.  I now fill them just right.

Emma is continuing to move every night, more and more visibly, like she wants to come out through the skin.  I am making videos of her every night with awe.  The OB assured me that she will not knot her chord and die in utero like I worry.  (Just in case you thought that DEAD BABY THOUGHTS have disappeared, they have not, but common sense prevails and I don't pay much attention to them.  We cohabitate in peace).  I suspect that for the rest of my life I will worry and worry about Emma's life, just like any other (neurotic) parent.

I am now going for one last swim in the lovely pool here in Vancouver, just before leaving for the airport.  Catch you all on the other side.