cure for perianal itch

I am not able to sleep at night any more than two to three hours.  I do most of my sleeping during daytime, from 7 am to about noon.  It works out well, and I am not too tired.  My main problem is that I would like to do stuff at night instead of just laying in bed, but I cannot make noise because MrH and grandma need to sleep, so I am resigned to reading books on my iphone.  Tonight I woke up quite swollen, after a generous dinner with friends, during which time I obviously consumed more salt than my body can handle.  I am sitting at the kitchen table eating watermelon from the fridge, and plotting a day with no salt intake, perhaps some cucumber juice as a mild diuretic, and mostly watery fruits and veggies.  I have been completely obsessed with cauliflower and cucumbers lately, so I am going to indulge today.

So, face swollen, hands swollen, restless legs killing me, my boobs are hurting and growing again like in the first trimester (when will they stop?), insomnia... the only thing that is in great shape still is my second opening of the digestive tract.  The one I don't eat with.  You know what I mean.  I feel a bit awkward sharing this on line, but I have a feeling it might help others, and besides I don't have that many readers, only a few hundred people read each post (from the stats), so I feel quite cozy and intimate here...

Anyway, fifty pounds heavier, summer heat, pregnant, and although not afflicted by hemorrhoids yet (hopefully not at all, dare I dream), I do get a very irritable bowel that needs to go twice a day (where is that constipation of pregnancy that I used to be so afraid of?  it is more like diarrhea of pregnancy for me in the last trimester).  At some points during the last three months, I have suffered from irritated skin that itches in the unmentionable area.  I had some samples of a facial toner by Shi.seido called Hydro nourishing softener.  It is too rich for my face, but I did not want to throw away the beautiful product.  So, I don't know how, I came up with the idea to use it on cotton pads to apply to the butt area when I was itchy at one point (perianal itch is so irritating, one will do anything to get rid of it).  It works like a charm!  it cleans, moisturizes, soothes, and leaves me in fantastic shape.  I have since tried it with other products, all toners, one being Pureness toner from Shi.seido, the other one being the Decleor toner that I use on my face.  None does the job really well like this particular softner/toner.

The only problem is, I ran out of sample bottles, and when I headed to the pharmacy to purchase a bottle of 150 ml, I discovered that it cost 44 dollars.  What can I say, my butt is high maintenance.  My facial toner is cheaper than this, really.  I found it on ebay recently for 19 dollars, and am waiting for it to arrive, in the meantime if anybody wants to try it I see numerous sample bottles for sale on ebay for 3-4 dollars.  If it sounds outrageous to treat one's bum hole with such reverence, then have a good laugh, but honestly, if you treat it well, the sense of comfort that you get back is divine.