Monday, September 30, 2013

are you still pregnant?

Someone asked me today if I am still pregnant.  I guess that is a fair question, given my history of bleeding, and also the general cloud of obstetrical gloom that is floating somewhere above my head, like an aura.  I felt like saying I am either pregnant, or dying of some sort of cancer that makes me get very sick and fat at the same time.

The other day, my grandmother (who has been living with me for the past three weeks, and hence has witnessed first hand all of my days of nausea and retching), said something like "when you are going to be pregnant, what will you do about..."(can't remember details).  I guess this thing that makes me sick is not pregnancy, it must be something else... because I, being the obstetrical pariah, cannot possibly be pregnant or stay pregnant, as the case might be.

Of course, I am probably interpreting all this through my own lens...this is the way I see myself, as unstably pregnant, and hence the people around me reflect my own thoughts back, like a mirror.

In any case, here I am, still nauseous, and not bleeding today.  And, despite hardly eating at all, barely able to zip up my skirts and pants.  Is it too early to bring out the maternity wear, at 7 weeks?  Should I buy one skirt or a pair of pants one size up, just to delay the bringing out of the comfy, flattering, elastic waist maternity wear?

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