A word of warning: do not approach me with the words "let's hope this cerclage will not fail" or I will lose it. Apparently. Someone said this to me today in a very concerned voice when they asked me how I am doing and I replied that I was doing very well, no more bleeding, heard the heartbeat, and just over 9 weeks. Life seemed great. Until this person opened their mouth. Then I realized that people everywhere are expecting me to fail again and my baby to die. You don't go to a pregnant woman and say to her "let's hope your baby doesn't die at birth again". This is not just a PREGNANCY and a CERCLAGE to me, this is MY BABY! I cannot be clinically detached like I was before I was pregnant and talk about hoping that the cerclage holds, because at this point in my life, any implication that it might not makes me go psychotic with maternal worry. I did not strangle the above concerned person, I managed to stay composed and say "if it doesn't then everything is OVER".
Don't get me wrong, people used to have conversations like this one with me all the time and I was perfectly fine with it before, in fact I could engage in theoretical sessions along this line of thought anytime. But now I am pregnant and have a baby that is growing fingernails and eyelids, and am fiercely protective of him. (Yes, MrH, I still think it's a him).
This is not the first time I hear sentences like this one. A lady at work told me, when I was wondering out loud about childcare arrangements after the baby's birth, that I should wait until the child is born to make the arrangements THIS TIME. Last time, at this point in the pregnancy (end of first trimester that is) she was helping me make these arrangements. THIS TIME she is implying that MY BABY COULD DIE. If I hear one more person referring to the end of my pregnancy in babydeath again, I will tell them that their attitude is not helpful and that I would prefer that they say nothing if they have nothing positive to say. On the other hand, small town, and it is easy enough to be known as the town bitch if I fight back too hard. We all have to live. But give me a break man, I know I am not that reliable of a gestationist, but 85% or better chance of success is really good, and my OB is hopeful, the MFM people are hopeful, not to mention that I am an EXPECTANT MOTHER now and will flip if anyone mentions the fact that I might lose this baby.
MrsH. How rude of the person to make a comment like that to you! I know your going to be a fantastic mother to an incredible baby. Just like you are to Adrian! By the way, your belly bump is cute! You are going to be the cutest big bellied lady ever!
ReplyDeleteYou are a good mommy Mrs. H and I can't wait to see Baby. Who cares what anybody says. By the way, do you have any names in mind?
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised they would say such things to you. Most of the time I'm the one telling people lets not get too excited, we've got a long ways to go before I'm bringing home a healthy, live baby when they find out I'm pregnant, not the opposite. I would hope they're trying to protect you in their own odd way, just not a very encouraging outlook.
ReplyDeleteugh, i can't believe someone(s) would say that to you. ((hugs)) i think you have every right to flip out.
ReplyDeleteMrsH, don't get too ramped up - just write it off to the category "people are dumb" and move on. And despite people's (good intention and) stupid comments, it is a VERY good idea to think about childcare arrangements now. I put my first-born on the daycare waiting list at 3 months pregnant. We waited 18 months, so we got a spot when my daughter was 1. And when I got pregnant a second time, I put the baby on the waitlist immediately. Then I lost the baby and the spot on the waiting list. Too bad they changed the rules, or else you can be assured I'd be on that waitlist again in a second. Now they won't take applications for fetuses anymore, only born babies. :)
ReplyDeleteThe odds are actually higher than 85%. More like 99% so I say you have excellent chances! I cannot believe that she had the audacity to say that to you (the other woman too). This was actually one of the reasons I still have not told anyone. Thinking of you and I am happy you held your tongue because I sure wouldn't!
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to see how we all cope so differently...I say this as with Alistair my words I lived by was "expect the worst and hope for the best" and actually I still think this way. Now I'm definitely not saying you SHOULD think this way. I'm just saying that was my coping mechinism and MOST PEOPLE didn't like my way of thinking. I got "You can't think that way", "You HAVE to have positive thinking" etc etc etc...AND i always got "everything will be just fine I KNOW IT WILL" What the hell are they god or some higher power??!?! In the end I had to have a little chat with myself as ultimately i ended up realizing that people really don't know what to say and they are truly just meaning to say and do the best they know how and sometimes it just doesn't jive with us mamas! I definitely can say i wanted to but a few heads! LOL Anyhow if you want my two cents....PLAN, DREAM, and DO exactly what feels right for you as I believe we are all individuals which makes humans beautiful! (PS I hope you don't want to head butt me! LOL)
ReplyDeletePS I Just love watching your baby grow everytime I come to your blog! (ie babystrology.com)
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