A word of warning: do not approach me with the words "let's hope this cerclage will not fail" or I will lose it. Apparently. Someone said this to me today in a very concerned voice when they asked me how I am doing and I replied that I was doing very well, no more bleeding, heard the heartbeat, and just over 9 weeks. Life seemed great. Until this person opened their mouth. Then I realized that people everywhere are expecting me to fail again and my baby to die. You don't go to a pregnant woman and say to her "let's hope your baby doesn't die at birth again". This is not just a PREGNANCY and a CERCLAGE to me, this is MY BABY! I cannot be clinically detached like I was before I was pregnant and talk about hoping that the cerclage holds, because at this point in my life, any implication that it might not makes me go psychotic with maternal worry. I did not strangle the above concerned person, I managed to stay composed and say "if it doesn't then everything is OVER".
Don't get me wrong, people used to have conversations like this one with me all the time and I was perfectly fine with it before, in fact I could engage in theoretical sessions along this line of thought anytime. But now I am pregnant and have a baby that is growing fingernails and eyelids, and am fiercely protective of him. (Yes, MrH, I still think it's a him).
This is not the first time I hear sentences like this one. A lady at work told me, when I was wondering out loud about childcare arrangements after the baby's birth, that I should wait until the child is born to make the arrangements THIS TIME. Last time, at this point in the pregnancy (end of first trimester that is) she was helping me make these arrangements. THIS TIME she is implying that MY BABY COULD DIE. If I hear one more person referring to the end of my pregnancy in babydeath again, I will tell them that their attitude is not helpful and that I would prefer that they say nothing if they have nothing positive to say. On the other hand, small town, and it is easy enough to be known as the town bitch if I fight back too hard. We all have to live. But give me a break man, I know I am not that reliable of a gestationist, but 85% or better chance of success is really good, and my OB is hopeful, the MFM people are hopeful, not to mention that I am an EXPECTANT MOTHER now and will flip if anyone mentions the fact that I might lose this baby.