I am definitely not doing this pregnancy thing all that well. There is not a single stage of this pregnancy at which I have felt well. Except between 4 and 5 weeks maybe. For the past 5 weeks, I have been constantly nauseated and struggling with daily vomiting on most days. I have still not gained any weight, in fact am still weighing less than I did before I got pregnant. I am lying in bed, unable to get up and clean up the kitchen, or wash the sheets, or play piano, or go for a walk. I have isolated myself from everybody because all I want to do is sleep or lie in bed to avoid vomiting. I am too tired at work to enjoy it. My world is small and boring at this point, except for the important fact of being pregnant. Despite the joy of pregnancy, the constant sickness and lying in bed plus the isolation from the world make me feel a little depressed. If I lose this pregnancy, it will have been a lot of suffering for nothing again.
I spoke to my ob today again, and he said that I should not worry so much. There is an empty space at the top of the endocervical canal, underneath the internal os, but that space might fill up with cervical mucus. It is too early at this stage for the membranes to funnel through that space, and if they do we will notice it on the next ultrasound, and do another cerclage to reinforce this one. We are really doing all that we can, I don't see how we could do more, and that is all that matters. I am feeling more optimistic and positive today, and not expecting everything to fail like I was yesterday.
I am hoping that the end of my nausea is going to happen in the next few weeks. It really is wearing me out. My posts used to be a lot more witty and fun, and now I feel bored with myself. Everything feels like such a drag, getting up in the morning, working, eating, lying down non stop, surfing the internet. Feeling ill non stop is depressing. I am writing this fully aware that before I got pregnant I had no sympathy for such complaints from pregnant people, and had totally forgotten how hard it is on the body and mind. It is even harder though when I think that it might all be for nothing, like last time.
I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. I hope you start to feel better soon so you can enjoy your pregnancy! Hugs..
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. The beginning and end is hardest for me. I am so darn tired and sick. That horrible feeling of "nothing feels right" but it does go away. For me, not until about week 15 or so. Hang in there mama!
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon. Hang in there
ReplyDeleteI wish you better days soon.
ReplyDeleteMrsH, I hope that the nausea leaves you soon, it is really wearing you down! Do not feel ashamed at not having the energy to do the things you think you should be doing, you are growing an incredible baby inside that uterus of yours and it is tiring work! You will be back to your normal self in roughly 29 weeks! :) Just count them down.. you already have 11 weeks down, nearly halfway! You can do it, I have faith in you!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of german, do you take the language courses online or do you take them through the college? My daughter is nearly fluent now but she can not seem to teach me how to speak it, but I am nervous about taking it online rather than as a course in a class room, I would be very interested to know how you take your languages.
the language courses I always took in a classroom, but this time i am going to try Rosetta Stone or something like that, if your daughter wants to teach me for money I would be happy to take classes from her while on bedrest.
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