This week I have two appointments of some importance, one with dr. Haney over the phone to discuss the situation, and one with my obstetrician in Vancouver to plan which way to go. Hopefully I will get some more clarity by the end of the week. I am definitely leaning towards carrying the baby myself. Today I have asked MrH, if this were Emma we were talking about, how would we feel if somebody else carried her for 9 months instead of me? I personally would feel like I miss her terribly. I have felt very close to Emma during my pregnancy, and both MrH and I felt that a lot of bonding took place during those 9 months, so I am not in a hurry to dismiss those feelings. I guess if I really cannot get pregnant, then so be it, but I am thinking that I should at least try. And then there is also the question of how much money can one afford to spend on these things, because I might end up spending both the cerclage+IVF 35000 usd followed by the surrogacy 35000 usd. And I am not rich. By any means. In fact, I will probably need to pull out all of my RRSPs for that (my retirement savings). And go back to working full time. I don't know. I think for now I should take it one step at a time: I will be able to get pregnant, I don't see why not.
These are the things I need to get in place before the cerclage can happen:
1. a sonohysterogram (and the travel to Vancouver for it) to see what is the thickness of the uterine wall around the tear from the cerclage.
2. a hysteroscopy or a hysterosalpingogram to see if I have any adhesions from the prior D&C's.
I have to try to organize both for my one week off in June when I was supposed to be on vacation in Vancouver. Neither of them is doable in my home town.
It is just a lot of work at this point. I have very little emotional reaction to any of this. Surgery? just a lot of work. Travel there, travel back, recover, can't lift Emma (bummer, have not thought of that yet, how am I going to care for her).
I have to figure out some things, but other than the inconvenience it will be ok.