So, earliest gender reveal on the internet ever, at 13w3d, courtesy of non invasive prenatal genetic testing. The baby is healthy. Has the right number of chromosomes. And the last two chromosomes are my X and mrH's Y.
A boy, due on the same day as Adrian... How many more coincidences? I am a bit stunned to be honest. I am excited about it, but really have no idea what to do with a little boy. How often do I need to wash his penis? Did I just say penis? Can I still have a bath with him naked when he is two years old, like I do now with Emma? Can we be as comfortable with each other's bodies as Emma and I are? I want that intimacy again, and fear that it will be different with a boy, that he won't come as close, or let me as close to him.
And then there's the clothes...I want to cry thinking that no baby of mine will wear the little pink socks that Emma will outgrow. All of the little girly outfits that I have loved so much...I know that this is superficial, and I am deeply aware of the gift of being able to raise a baby boy, that will turn into a man one day, which is worth so much more than pink ruffles...but still, pink ruffles...
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
anxiety
I am very anxious because tomorrow or so I should be getting the results of the NIPT, the non invasive chromosomal testing. Most importantly I worry about chromosomal abnormalities, but also I get to find out the sex of the baby, which makes me nervous and excited. I did not think that I should be so nervous, because the chances of a problem are quite low, but man, I am anxious and I have not slept very well last night. (Well, waking up because of puking is also interfering with my sleep, what can I say...).
Friday, November 8, 2013
not much new
I am becoming one of those annoying women who forget that they are pregnant and just go on with their lives without worrying all that much about, you know, losing their baby every three seconds. I guess the fact that the nausea has improved is also conducive to feeling good and optimistic. I have finally managed to send in the NIPT test for chromosomes and am waiting for the results, which I should have by next week. I am a little unsettled when I have to wait for results, but frankly 1:500 chances are not my big worry here (I am talking about the odds of Down's syndrome for the age of egg retrieval, which was when I was a youthful 32).
On the plus side, next week I get to find out the sex of the baby, which is so exciting! If it is a boy, I think he will be wearing pink cloth diapers, unless I can think of a way to dye them safely.
I am gaining weight at a rate of 1 lb per day if I eat more than 1600 calories per day. If you read any of the recommended diets for pregnant women, they range from 2400 to 3100 calories a day. Really? Who eats that much? If I eat 2400 calories a day, I expand so much that it is scary. Since I have stopped being so nauseated and am eating better, I have put on three pounds, and it has all happened in the one week when I was eating around 2000 calories 'cause I was hungry, I mean I hadn't eaten in like three months, so I was like a possessed woman.
This is my very boring diet: one banana, one cup of yogourt, berries, green leaves mixed with soy milk in the blender (we call it "green milk" in my house, and it is a way to get Emma to have her leafy greens), one or two eggs, a few slices of turkey breast, a slice of bread or some crackers at lunch, a handful or two of mixed nuts, and chicken or beans or fish with more veggies for dinner. About 1500 calories or so. I also drink about two cups of tea with one teaspoon of honey each, so another 100 or so from beverages.
I really would like to stick with the 30 lb recommended for this pregnancy. Ideally 25 lb, as I started in the overweight range, but since I was only "overweight" by one lb, I won't worry too much about that designantion.
On the plus side, next week I get to find out the sex of the baby, which is so exciting! If it is a boy, I think he will be wearing pink cloth diapers, unless I can think of a way to dye them safely.
I am gaining weight at a rate of 1 lb per day if I eat more than 1600 calories per day. If you read any of the recommended diets for pregnant women, they range from 2400 to 3100 calories a day. Really? Who eats that much? If I eat 2400 calories a day, I expand so much that it is scary. Since I have stopped being so nauseated and am eating better, I have put on three pounds, and it has all happened in the one week when I was eating around 2000 calories 'cause I was hungry, I mean I hadn't eaten in like three months, so I was like a possessed woman.
This is my very boring diet: one banana, one cup of yogourt, berries, green leaves mixed with soy milk in the blender (we call it "green milk" in my house, and it is a way to get Emma to have her leafy greens), one or two eggs, a few slices of turkey breast, a slice of bread or some crackers at lunch, a handful or two of mixed nuts, and chicken or beans or fish with more veggies for dinner. About 1500 calories or so. I also drink about two cups of tea with one teaspoon of honey each, so another 100 or so from beverages.
I really would like to stick with the 30 lb recommended for this pregnancy. Ideally 25 lb, as I started in the overweight range, but since I was only "overweight" by one lb, I won't worry too much about that designantion.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
update 12w4d
Ain't this weird? They have discovered a new ligament in the knee. How is that even possible? It's a bit like looking at your hands for a lifetime and discovering that you actually have a sixth finger that you never noticed on the right hand. We do MRI's and arthroscopies and open up knees and dissect them all the time, and hey, look at that, a new ligament that nobody had seen before... I wonder what they thought it was before? a piece of chicken fat?
Anyway, I was amused a bit reading this today. I am feeling better recently, and have started taking Emma to the pool, playing with her, and teaching her numbers and letters. She is very stubborn and does not like being shown anything, so I have to be very sneaky about teaching her. The moment it looks like I am trying to teach her something, she completely loses interest and wants to do something else. If however it looks like I am playing, then she joins in. For the letters, I have filled a plate with cornmeal and we are drawing them with our finger in the cornmeal. Messy, but reasonably effective.
Emma is also very much in love with the ipad/iphone apps and she learns from those as well. There are apps that teach shapes, and numbers, and letters. The problem is that she only wants to play the app with the shapes, because she knows all her shapes and she always wins the "stickers". Again, if something is difficult or she is not very good at it already, she wants nothing to do with it. How is this child ever going to learn anything? I hope it is just a two year old phase that will pass by the time she has to go to school.
That's about it for the update. I will post again on the long weekend, since I will have more time.
Anyway, I was amused a bit reading this today. I am feeling better recently, and have started taking Emma to the pool, playing with her, and teaching her numbers and letters. She is very stubborn and does not like being shown anything, so I have to be very sneaky about teaching her. The moment it looks like I am trying to teach her something, she completely loses interest and wants to do something else. If however it looks like I am playing, then she joins in. For the letters, I have filled a plate with cornmeal and we are drawing them with our finger in the cornmeal. Messy, but reasonably effective.
Emma is also very much in love with the ipad/iphone apps and she learns from those as well. There are apps that teach shapes, and numbers, and letters. The problem is that she only wants to play the app with the shapes, because she knows all her shapes and she always wins the "stickers". Again, if something is difficult or she is not very good at it already, she wants nothing to do with it. How is this child ever going to learn anything? I hope it is just a two year old phase that will pass by the time she has to go to school.
That's about it for the update. I will post again on the long weekend, since I will have more time.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Halloween memories
I thought I was on the ball getting Emma her Halloween costume one month before, in September. She was into lions at that time, and I asked my mom to bring a lion costume from Vancouver when she came to visit.
Well, we tried to get her into it but she was simply terrified of it...she would not go near it, and if we tried to put it on ourselves she would start crying hysterically. And it was NOT a scary costume, it was just a body and a mane. In the end, I borrowed an elephant costume from someone and tried to get her into it. She did not want to put the hat on, which made the entire costume look weird (like a grey body suit), and most importantly refused to walk in it, which meant that I had to carry her to the neighbours' houses for trick-or-treating.
Did we get much candy? Not really...and I had to give it all away again because despite having bought six kilos of candy bars for that night, we had so many kids come to the door that we were out of sweets in about one hour. We had to open the door and embarrassingly tell kids that we had no more candy. That was quite the moment!
It was a pretty tiring Halloween. Emma did not like the kids coming to the house dressed up in scary costumes, she got a bit freaked out. Not to mention that the whole concept of having to give away candy was not in her list of favourite ways to spend Thursday nights either.
What she did like though was carving the pumpkin with her dad. We did a good job, I think, for an uninitiated bunch. And she got to say "jack-o-lantern" which sounds dementedly sweet coming from her mouth (dzak-o-lenten).
Hopefully next year she will be more independent, and will walk to the neighbours houses, carrying a big bag that she brings back full of candy, because I am sitting here looking for a fix and have nothing in the house to satisfy my sweet tooth with...
Well, we tried to get her into it but she was simply terrified of it...she would not go near it, and if we tried to put it on ourselves she would start crying hysterically. And it was NOT a scary costume, it was just a body and a mane. In the end, I borrowed an elephant costume from someone and tried to get her into it. She did not want to put the hat on, which made the entire costume look weird (like a grey body suit), and most importantly refused to walk in it, which meant that I had to carry her to the neighbours' houses for trick-or-treating.
Did we get much candy? Not really...and I had to give it all away again because despite having bought six kilos of candy bars for that night, we had so many kids come to the door that we were out of sweets in about one hour. We had to open the door and embarrassingly tell kids that we had no more candy. That was quite the moment!
It was a pretty tiring Halloween. Emma did not like the kids coming to the house dressed up in scary costumes, she got a bit freaked out. Not to mention that the whole concept of having to give away candy was not in her list of favourite ways to spend Thursday nights either.
What she did like though was carving the pumpkin with her dad. We did a good job, I think, for an uninitiated bunch. And she got to say "jack-o-lantern" which sounds dementedly sweet coming from her mouth (dzak-o-lenten).
Hopefully next year she will be more independent, and will walk to the neighbours houses, carrying a big bag that she brings back full of candy, because I am sitting here looking for a fix and have nothing in the house to satisfy my sweet tooth with...
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Life is Sacred
You probably all already know about this case that I have entirely missed until last week. I has been haunting me all along since I read it. This woman shows up at 17 weeks of pregnancy with back pain and fully dilated. She does not progress on to delivery, but instead stays that way for days, with the uterus exposed to vaginal bacteria, and nobody does ANYTHING about it despite her ASKING them to. The baby is doomed to certain death but they are continuing to monitor the baby's heart beat and wait, and wait, until she dies of sepsis.
That's kind of the picture I have in my head. I have a suspicion that cervical incompetence was actually her problem, I mean it sounds so much like it from where I am sitting. And I know one can die from incompetent cervix, because were I left without any medical intervention, I probably would have died as well.
Contrast this with my situation: as soon as the cervix was noted to be dilated, the OB tried a cerclage, but told me it probably won't work, and that the biggest risk is that of infection. I was on two IV antibiotics in doses high enough to kill a horse, and monitored for fever or white cell count increase. The moment I decided that it was not worth it anymore (because I was in labour), the cerclage was removed, despite the baby being alive at that time. That is because, guess what, it was not going to work anyway, and I was in danger of shredding my cervix with labour+cerclage. And we were all (me, MrH, my OB, my GP) very, very worried about infection. Labour = infection, often, often, often.
Then, at 9 cm, I started bleeding very heavily, and the baby had to be manually removed. Then I had a retained placenta that needed oxytocin and manual removal in the OR. I needed so many things because a uterus at 20 weeks (or 17 weeks) does not behave very smartly and cannot contract always effectively, which is why the retained fetus or placenta can happen.
I got so much care that I would not have survived without! And I am so thankful to have been in the right place, at the right time (haha, in a small Northern town in Canada, with one old OB a GP anesthetist. Better care than University Hospitals in Ireland). Women who are pregnant need a lot of medical attention when things don't go according to the usual nature's ways. Or wait, dying is one of nature's ways too... Anyway, if the doctors at the University Hospital in Ireland did not feel able to deal with this case because of ethical issues involved, why did they not simply transfer her to England? That happens all the time, we from Canada transfer to the US if there is greater expertise or if all the NICU beds in the province are full, etc. Why would this not be possible elsewhere? I am so baffled at this case, and so sad and angry about it, probably because I identify with it too much.
Wanna know what we would have done in my hospital? Have a talk with the mom about the zero survival chances of the baby. Given the parents a moment to make up their mind. And then, when they are ready, break the waters, and help the delivery along with some misoprostol or oxytocin, including operative extraction if needed. Is this not kind? Is this not right? How would the outcome been any different? Mom walks out of hospital alone anyway. But at least she walks out... Because we all know that LIFE IS SACRED.
That's kind of the picture I have in my head. I have a suspicion that cervical incompetence was actually her problem, I mean it sounds so much like it from where I am sitting. And I know one can die from incompetent cervix, because were I left without any medical intervention, I probably would have died as well.
Contrast this with my situation: as soon as the cervix was noted to be dilated, the OB tried a cerclage, but told me it probably won't work, and that the biggest risk is that of infection. I was on two IV antibiotics in doses high enough to kill a horse, and monitored for fever or white cell count increase. The moment I decided that it was not worth it anymore (because I was in labour), the cerclage was removed, despite the baby being alive at that time. That is because, guess what, it was not going to work anyway, and I was in danger of shredding my cervix with labour+cerclage. And we were all (me, MrH, my OB, my GP) very, very worried about infection. Labour = infection, often, often, often.
Then, at 9 cm, I started bleeding very heavily, and the baby had to be manually removed. Then I had a retained placenta that needed oxytocin and manual removal in the OR. I needed so many things because a uterus at 20 weeks (or 17 weeks) does not behave very smartly and cannot contract always effectively, which is why the retained fetus or placenta can happen.
I got so much care that I would not have survived without! And I am so thankful to have been in the right place, at the right time (haha, in a small Northern town in Canada, with one old OB a GP anesthetist. Better care than University Hospitals in Ireland). Women who are pregnant need a lot of medical attention when things don't go according to the usual nature's ways. Or wait, dying is one of nature's ways too... Anyway, if the doctors at the University Hospital in Ireland did not feel able to deal with this case because of ethical issues involved, why did they not simply transfer her to England? That happens all the time, we from Canada transfer to the US if there is greater expertise or if all the NICU beds in the province are full, etc. Why would this not be possible elsewhere? I am so baffled at this case, and so sad and angry about it, probably because I identify with it too much.
Wanna know what we would have done in my hospital? Have a talk with the mom about the zero survival chances of the baby. Given the parents a moment to make up their mind. And then, when they are ready, break the waters, and help the delivery along with some misoprostol or oxytocin, including operative extraction if needed. Is this not kind? Is this not right? How would the outcome been any different? Mom walks out of hospital alone anyway. But at least she walks out... Because we all know that LIFE IS SACRED.
Monday, October 21, 2013
dragging on
What's new over here? Well, I thought I had it bad when I was just sick from the pregnancy, but now, to improve things, I also got a cold and a sinus infection. My right maxillary sinus feels like it wants to explode through my teeth. I have decided to hold of on antibiotics for a few days and see if I beat it without, since in pregnancy one can only take crappy antibiotics anyway, which are unlikely to work and will give me a yeast infection.
Emma is doing very well but watching way too much Dora and Caillou. I just cannot entertain her anymore in the evenings, and so I let her loose on my ipod. Guilty as charged...
Two days ago, feeling like I should do something for this poor child, I decided that I am going to the swimming pool, sinus exploding or not. I was pretty sick, but dragged my butt over there, and was a good sport mostly sitting on the side of the hot tub, while she was playing with plastic boats in the warm water (our hot tub is actually a warm tub). When I got up to hopefully go home, thinking that I deserved a medal for showing up, the lifeguard lady came to me and said "I hope you don't mind my saying this, but your butt is showing through the bathing suit". Apparently the fibers had stretched more than I noticed and the suit had become transparent. I threw it in the garbage right away, but...
Was that ever an embarrassing moment, in particular in this small town where everybody by now probably knows that my ass was on show. I have decided, in mature fashion, to realize with my adult mind that having a stretched out bathing suit is not a character flaw, and that given how sick I am lately, this is the least of my worries, along with other appearance-related issues. But in this society, appearance is more important than being a good, moral person, and so it does matter.
Emma wants to go "wimming" all the time, so I will have to show my face there again. Not looking forward to it...even though I have another bathing suit that is hopefully in a bit better shape.
Emma is doing very well but watching way too much Dora and Caillou. I just cannot entertain her anymore in the evenings, and so I let her loose on my ipod. Guilty as charged...
Two days ago, feeling like I should do something for this poor child, I decided that I am going to the swimming pool, sinus exploding or not. I was pretty sick, but dragged my butt over there, and was a good sport mostly sitting on the side of the hot tub, while she was playing with plastic boats in the warm water (our hot tub is actually a warm tub). When I got up to hopefully go home, thinking that I deserved a medal for showing up, the lifeguard lady came to me and said "I hope you don't mind my saying this, but your butt is showing through the bathing suit". Apparently the fibers had stretched more than I noticed and the suit had become transparent. I threw it in the garbage right away, but...
Was that ever an embarrassing moment, in particular in this small town where everybody by now probably knows that my ass was on show. I have decided, in mature fashion, to realize with my adult mind that having a stretched out bathing suit is not a character flaw, and that given how sick I am lately, this is the least of my worries, along with other appearance-related issues. But in this society, appearance is more important than being a good, moral person, and so it does matter.
Emma wants to go "wimming" all the time, so I will have to show my face there again. Not looking forward to it...even though I have another bathing suit that is hopefully in a bit better shape.
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