During ICLW I try to post every day, because it is an important way to meet new people in the blogging world. However, I must say that I have nothing intelligent to write about lately. I think I am keeping myself too busy to think. I sprained my ankle running, and today re-injured it a bit during jazzercise, so I really will have to take it easier with the exercising. That should give me more time to just be and feel and think and write.
First I will start with a resolution: no more baking while I am trying to lose weight. I baked banana bread yesterday, and despite the fact that it only had two tbsp of sugar and two tbsp of oil for the whole loaf, I ate too much (three slices? with peanut butter and honey... instead of dinner, ouch) and woke up weighing 179 lb. I know we should not weigh ourselves daily, but heck if I don't see every single mistake on that scale if I weigh myself daily. I mean, I never gain 1 lb after eating my usual meals. So, no more baking. No more anything that will put me out of my routine, other than one meal: Emma's baptism. It will be on November 12, and I plan on eating a little more freely then. But not overeating. I have to get it in my head that overeating is out of my life for good, and that if it shows up again uninvited, I have to assess why and do my best to avoid future situations where it is likely to happen.
I was doing my hair with hot rollers today, and I came up with another observation: hot rollers take time. Five minutes to apply, and two to remove, to be more precise. They do create a nice wave and lots of volume that stays the whole day, they are more gentle on the hair than a curling or straightening iron, but they take more time. So, the truth is that at least in my life, with limited time for self-grooming, I will have to chose one aspect of my beauty routine that I want to emphasize and spend time on, and be more minimal on the other aspects. In the past I used to chose my make up as the part to emphasize, and do my hair pretty much in the same way daily, using a curling or straightening iron for variation. (BTW, within the make up routine, one can spend more time and money on products for the face, or for the eyes, or for the lips, so in there too there is a way to break it up in order to spend time on the one feature that one wants emphasized. Lately I have been focusing on creating a flawless complexion, which takes quite a bit of steps since my complexion is not flawless, given my lack of sleep, hehehe...). Now, I want to create a voluminous hair, so I have to limit something else in order to steal the extra four minutes for the hair routine. (I kid you not, my self care is THAT regimented. I have OCD). So, the extra time is coming from clothing (with only two pairs of pants that fit me, and both of them jeans, I don't really have to spend too much time choosing or ironing:) and it will probably also come from skin care. I have simplified my skin care regime a lot: wash, remove makeup, add vitamin C 20% serum, add lactic acid/salicylic acid gel, and some basic eye cream. When I want pampering, I also add some herbal recovery gel from Jurlique. (If you think this is complex, you should have seen what I was doing before: cream for face, cream for neck, cream for boobs, cream for butt, cream for waist, cream for hands, cream for feet. That was before I had a child. Now it's one cream for everything, and I make it :).
Anyway, I am blabbering. I had better stop for today. If you want more random wandering thoughts then stop by tomorrow. I might blabber about cooking. I wish, really, that I had some deeper thoughts, but I just don't. I am very superficial at the moment, so on we go.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday check in
I am a little late for the Thursday weight check-in: Emma has been fussy the whole day and I did not get to the computer at all. The dieting is still going, (for those reading from ICLW, I am in the process of losing 35 lb after giving birth to my daughter Emma on August 10). I weighed 178 lb this morning (start weight 187 lb) so officially breaching the 180's barrier, and nine pounds lost since the start of my diet. My husband is full of praises for how I look, which helps me a lot to stay motivated. I find that once I lose some of the weight, I am tempted to stop or to slack off (which in the world of dieting is bad). I still have 23 lb to go, so I must not stop.
I became interested in aromatherapy again (I was always into perfumes and smells and the chemistry behind it, but during the pregnancy I became intolerant of most smells, so I had to stop using fragrances and essential oils). I am building my collection of essential oils, and experimenting on my husband with methods to induce deep sleep (and sneaking in an aphrodisiac here and there, but he does not have to know, haha... maybe that is why the parrots are pecking each other). I am getting an ultrasonic diffuser by mail sometime next week, which should make the process more efficient. I also made a solid perfume this week, using 1 tbsp beeswax, 1 tbsp coconut oil, melted together, and when cooler I added bergamont and grapefruit essential oils (about 25 drops total). It smells lovely, and I use it more as a hand and foot cream.
I will try to write a longer post this weekend about Emma's development. She is smiling all the time, and "talking to us", this week she has also tried to help MrH open an envelope, reaching for it interested. We dance every day to Alicia Keys in the mornings and generally have a fabulous time. I am still the happiest mom on the planet :)
I became interested in aromatherapy again (I was always into perfumes and smells and the chemistry behind it, but during the pregnancy I became intolerant of most smells, so I had to stop using fragrances and essential oils). I am building my collection of essential oils, and experimenting on my husband with methods to induce deep sleep (and sneaking in an aphrodisiac here and there, but he does not have to know, haha... maybe that is why the parrots are pecking each other). I am getting an ultrasonic diffuser by mail sometime next week, which should make the process more efficient. I also made a solid perfume this week, using 1 tbsp beeswax, 1 tbsp coconut oil, melted together, and when cooler I added bergamont and grapefruit essential oils (about 25 drops total). It smells lovely, and I use it more as a hand and foot cream.
I will try to write a longer post this weekend about Emma's development. She is smiling all the time, and "talking to us", this week she has also tried to help MrH open an envelope, reaching for it interested. We dance every day to Alicia Keys in the mornings and generally have a fabulous time. I am still the happiest mom on the planet :)
Monday, October 17, 2011
setback
As far as the weight loss goes, this weekend I had a minor setback, and did not lose any weight. In fact, at one point I had gained 2 lb. This probably was due to salt and water retention, which usually happens when I start eating more than usual. I did not eat insane amounts, actually I only ate enough not to be hungry, but the truth is that in order to lose weight, one has to be hungry, so the extra food that consisted of 5 oz of salmon, 100 g of pasta and one cup of lentil soup (in addition to my usual calories) have stalled my progress and made me put weight back on.
I had to reassess the situation: why was this happening? I think the main reason has to do with the fact that I am exhausted. Losing weight is hard enough, but I also exercise daily, running about 5-7 km, doing pushups, sit-ups, planks, etc, or hiking up and down the hills for one hour. Once a week I go to an exercise class as well. The other thing is that I have to get Emma to come with me for the almost daily hiking, and that consists of hurrying to feed her (she takes forever still to feed) and then fighting with her to put her in the car seat, fighting with her to let me put a hat on, and struggling to convince her that the Ergo carrier is a fine place to be in for one whole hour, which my active little girl does not always believe. There are many days in which I get there late and stressed out, and often think that I should just stop making plans with other people, because I am never on time, even if I start to get ready one and a half hours prior.
So, after realizing that this is the case, I am going to allow myself days off from exercise, and even from meeting other people and going out for walks. I am going to let myself spend whole days just doing nothing other than the basic housework and caring for Emma. I also need to spend more time sleeping. And, finally, I need to cut back on the exercise, although this might sound counter intuitive when we are talking about weight loss. The truth is that exercise is only 20% of the effort, 80% of weight loss is the diet, and if exercising too much makes me eat out of tiredness or frustration of not having time to just vegetate and relax, then the exercise is counterproductive to the final goal. (The final goal is to fit into this red Chanel skirt that I bought while I was pregnant, measuring 100 cm in the hips and 75 cm in the waist - as far away as the moon really).
As soon as I made this decision, I have begun to relax. I still ran 6 km last night, but I enjoyed doing it because I chose to, not because I had to. I also took a long bath with essential oils (I chose lavander, frankincense, geranium and rose of Maroc) and in fact took out my collection of essential oils and expanded it by adding three more (lemon, cedarwood, and a blend called "appetite suppressant " that has rosemary, fennel and peppermint I think). Lastly, I started using my cellulite cream again, not so much because I think it works, but rather because it makes me feel pampered.
So I am back on the right track, I was hungry yesterday and I am sure that I lost one pound of water. Will check in on Thursday. BTW, if you are doing the weight loss with me then on Thursday post your weight (yes, you G!). This will keep you on the right path and encourage you not to stray, at least not on Wednesday night...
I had to reassess the situation: why was this happening? I think the main reason has to do with the fact that I am exhausted. Losing weight is hard enough, but I also exercise daily, running about 5-7 km, doing pushups, sit-ups, planks, etc, or hiking up and down the hills for one hour. Once a week I go to an exercise class as well. The other thing is that I have to get Emma to come with me for the almost daily hiking, and that consists of hurrying to feed her (she takes forever still to feed) and then fighting with her to put her in the car seat, fighting with her to let me put a hat on, and struggling to convince her that the Ergo carrier is a fine place to be in for one whole hour, which my active little girl does not always believe. There are many days in which I get there late and stressed out, and often think that I should just stop making plans with other people, because I am never on time, even if I start to get ready one and a half hours prior.
So, after realizing that this is the case, I am going to allow myself days off from exercise, and even from meeting other people and going out for walks. I am going to let myself spend whole days just doing nothing other than the basic housework and caring for Emma. I also need to spend more time sleeping. And, finally, I need to cut back on the exercise, although this might sound counter intuitive when we are talking about weight loss. The truth is that exercise is only 20% of the effort, 80% of weight loss is the diet, and if exercising too much makes me eat out of tiredness or frustration of not having time to just vegetate and relax, then the exercise is counterproductive to the final goal. (The final goal is to fit into this red Chanel skirt that I bought while I was pregnant, measuring 100 cm in the hips and 75 cm in the waist - as far away as the moon really).
As soon as I made this decision, I have begun to relax. I still ran 6 km last night, but I enjoyed doing it because I chose to, not because I had to. I also took a long bath with essential oils (I chose lavander, frankincense, geranium and rose of Maroc) and in fact took out my collection of essential oils and expanded it by adding three more (lemon, cedarwood, and a blend called "appetite suppressant " that has rosemary, fennel and peppermint I think). Lastly, I started using my cellulite cream again, not so much because I think it works, but rather because it makes me feel pampered.
So I am back on the right track, I was hungry yesterday and I am sure that I lost one pound of water. Will check in on Thursday. BTW, if you are doing the weight loss with me then on Thursday post your weight (yes, you G!). This will keep you on the right path and encourage you not to stray, at least not on Wednesday night...
Saturday, October 15, 2011
October 15, Remembering- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day
Thinking of all of our little ones that we lost: Adrian, Olivia, Lillian Grace, Julius, Wendy, Rowan, Levi, Ayla Joy, Juliet Grace, Bayli and Thomas, Caleb Anthony, Aidan, Valentina, Baby M, Baby C, and I deeply apologize for anybody that I might have left out accidentally. I have lit a candle today for all of them, as usual, and I will post the picture in a little while.
I sometimes have the impression that I think of Adrian more than usual, and sometimes less than usual. Watching Emma grow and become her own little person has me wondering how would Adrian have been doing going through the same steps. The other day, a little boy asked me if Emma has a brother, and I told him that she did, but he died. He looked all serious and asked me why, and I smiled and told him that he was born too small. Because I was loving and light-hearted about it, which I truly am at this point in my life (given how blessed and happy I feel), he accepted it and moved on, with no fear about this information. He was actually quite sweet. I don't hide Adrian's loss from anybody. All who ask get the truth from me, since I don't feel any reluctance to disclose Adrian's existence. I have not had many people be inappropriate about it either. I accepted it as part of life, I let people know about him with love and peace, and they probably feel safe and don't need to block out the sad story.
Adrian is resting in a small urn on my night table, and I say goodnight to him every night. It is for him that I have had the courage to go on living, and eventually got Emma. It is for both my children, but particularly for him, that I want to live my life to the fullest, just like I would have liked him to do. It is the only thing a bereaved parent can do for their child, live as if his or her days have been passed onto us. May we all make the most of our days, for us and for them.
I sometimes have the impression that I think of Adrian more than usual, and sometimes less than usual. Watching Emma grow and become her own little person has me wondering how would Adrian have been doing going through the same steps. The other day, a little boy asked me if Emma has a brother, and I told him that she did, but he died. He looked all serious and asked me why, and I smiled and told him that he was born too small. Because I was loving and light-hearted about it, which I truly am at this point in my life (given how blessed and happy I feel), he accepted it and moved on, with no fear about this information. He was actually quite sweet. I don't hide Adrian's loss from anybody. All who ask get the truth from me, since I don't feel any reluctance to disclose Adrian's existence. I have not had many people be inappropriate about it either. I accepted it as part of life, I let people know about him with love and peace, and they probably feel safe and don't need to block out the sad story.
Adrian is resting in a small urn on my night table, and I say goodnight to him every night. It is for him that I have had the courage to go on living, and eventually got Emma. It is for both my children, but particularly for him, that I want to live my life to the fullest, just like I would have liked him to do. It is the only thing a bereaved parent can do for their child, live as if his or her days have been passed onto us. May we all make the most of our days, for us and for them.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
life is good
Just a quick update before I dash to the indoor running track: I have lost a total of 7 lb since I started the diet, currently being at 180 lb. That is 2 lb in the past week, which included Thanksgiving (I obviously have behaved :).
Emma is more and more entertaining. We run daily, her in the stroller, me pushing her (one day we'll change places). I love the Stokke stroller for its height, as Emma is feeling much more secure close to me than she would close to the ground. She laughs often and enjoys the speed. She cries if I slow down, so honestly she is my best training partner, pushing me continuously. She also loves her baths, kicking her little legs when we bathe together, almost daily. She screams my head off when I take her out, even though I try to keep her warm. She is such a lovely little girl, and I feel immensely blessed to have her EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Yesterday I was running outdoors on a path on which I run every summer, and I have suddenly had a flashback to one of the numerous times that I ran to forget about infertility, either before an IVF or after an unsuccessful procedure. Every step on that path has memories of infertility, dashed hopes, pain, impatience, doubt. And now I ran it with Emma. This was an immensely healing experience for me, and I have ended up thanking her out loud for choosing us to be her parents. What a difference she has made to my life, how much happier and brighter I feel! Thank you, thank you, thank you little girl for being brave and taking a chance on us. We will do our best not to disappoint :)
Emma is more and more entertaining. We run daily, her in the stroller, me pushing her (one day we'll change places). I love the Stokke stroller for its height, as Emma is feeling much more secure close to me than she would close to the ground. She laughs often and enjoys the speed. She cries if I slow down, so honestly she is my best training partner, pushing me continuously. She also loves her baths, kicking her little legs when we bathe together, almost daily. She screams my head off when I take her out, even though I try to keep her warm. She is such a lovely little girl, and I feel immensely blessed to have her EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Yesterday I was running outdoors on a path on which I run every summer, and I have suddenly had a flashback to one of the numerous times that I ran to forget about infertility, either before an IVF or after an unsuccessful procedure. Every step on that path has memories of infertility, dashed hopes, pain, impatience, doubt. And now I ran it with Emma. This was an immensely healing experience for me, and I have ended up thanking her out loud for choosing us to be her parents. What a difference she has made to my life, how much happier and brighter I feel! Thank you, thank you, thank you little girl for being brave and taking a chance on us. We will do our best not to disappoint :)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
blogging
I must confess, I love the blogging world. I love reading other people's blogs even more than writing my own, and I like it a lot when people comment, because it makes me feel like someone out there is actually reading my blabbering. Oh, I know I can use the stats and see if people click on the pages, but when one actually writes a comment it means a lot to me. It is like a conversation, and that is what makes us a community. Which is why I am going to sign up again for the International Comment Leaving Week (ICLW), see the link on the right hand corner in brown for this month. Who knows how I will find the time, between exercising and caring for my newborn daughter, but we shall try.
I found some interesting blogs lately, one of which was about how to have great legs. I believe it is called the Great Legs blog or something like that. I am sure if I search for it I am going to find a blog about how to have great abs, great breath, and definitely I know that there is one for shiny long hair, 'cause I used to read it. Anything you want, you name it, someone else out there is obsessed with it even more than you and has become expert enough at the issue to write about it. I LOVE THE INTERNET!
Speaking of great legs, I am going on with the diet, I weighed 181 lb this morning, which is fabulous! I cannot believe what a long way I still have to go until I can fit into my large size clothes, not to mention the medium size. It is a slow process, but I am concentrating on it, and it is going on. This morning I have tried a jazzercise class, which reminded me of hi-low impact aerobics that I used to teach at some point when living in Vancouver. I enjoyed the group, and the opportunity to show off my lululemon top (I am going through a lululemon stage, a couple of years behind the rest of Vancouver, but hey, I was piss poor at the stage when lululemon became the mandatory gym wear in Vancouver so I used to work out in my old beat up t-shirts and my dad's pants. I think I looked quite sexy though, in a carpenter-girl sort of way.
I am nervous about Thanksgiving dinner. Similarly to many people, I like to eat more than my diet allows when I go out, and we are going out to someone's house who is a good cook. If you have any tips on how to stick to the diet while at the same time not making the host feel uncomfortable (as I would feel if someone refused to eat my pumpkin pie) please share.
I found some interesting blogs lately, one of which was about how to have great legs. I believe it is called the Great Legs blog or something like that. I am sure if I search for it I am going to find a blog about how to have great abs, great breath, and definitely I know that there is one for shiny long hair, 'cause I used to read it. Anything you want, you name it, someone else out there is obsessed with it even more than you and has become expert enough at the issue to write about it. I LOVE THE INTERNET!
Speaking of great legs, I am going on with the diet, I weighed 181 lb this morning, which is fabulous! I cannot believe what a long way I still have to go until I can fit into my large size clothes, not to mention the medium size. It is a slow process, but I am concentrating on it, and it is going on. This morning I have tried a jazzercise class, which reminded me of hi-low impact aerobics that I used to teach at some point when living in Vancouver. I enjoyed the group, and the opportunity to show off my lululemon top (I am going through a lululemon stage, a couple of years behind the rest of Vancouver, but hey, I was piss poor at the stage when lululemon became the mandatory gym wear in Vancouver so I used to work out in my old beat up t-shirts and my dad's pants. I think I looked quite sexy though, in a carpenter-girl sort of way.
I am nervous about Thanksgiving dinner. Similarly to many people, I like to eat more than my diet allows when I go out, and we are going out to someone's house who is a good cook. If you have any tips on how to stick to the diet while at the same time not making the host feel uncomfortable (as I would feel if someone refused to eat my pumpkin pie) please share.
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