waiting, waiting, 3dp5dt

I am not very normal and am continuing to pee on expensive sticks every day.  Today, I have actually wasted two of them.  The one in the morning really had nothing.  The one in the afternoon also had nothing but I was starting to imagine a pink line that came and went as the sun's light got stronger, however when I looked at it a few hours later there was nothing, so I am calling it a negative.

For some reason I am so certain that this embryo will stick that I am looking at the tests expecting to see a line, not waiting to see if one appears.  I am wondering why the line is not there already, although with my mind I know that 3dp5dt is too early, I have convinced myself that I am pregnant so I am looking for the second line as if it should be there.

I don't believe that optimism or pessimism bring on a certain result when it comes to getting pregnant.  I also don't believe in the law of attraction in this case either (or in any other case).  I am a realist at heart, and hence tend to see things in a mostly worried and negative light.  So for me to be so positive this time is a funny thing.