Weight

I am 208 lb today (33 weeks) and was 191 lb at 25 weeks. Normal wt 157 lb. Gained 15 lb in 8 weeks. Actually that is right on track.
PS.  The OB estimated the baby to be full term size, i.e. about 6-7 lb already.  He said I am looking at a 10 lb baby at term.  That would explain why I am so big and short of breath already.  I am happy though, I want a big baby.
Ioana Lupu
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33 weeks

I am getting more short of breath lately, and need to sleep on two pillows.  I don't quite know why, because today I swam and did not feel short of breath, but if I lie flat then it starts.  It is probably a combination of three things: one being the belly getting bigger, the other one being the progesterone that gives me the sensation of dyspnea, and the third one being that my nasal tissues got a bit swollen (from increased blood volume?) and hence I can't breathe too well through my nose.  I think if I eat too many carbs I tend to retain water as well (not to mention salt) and then the nose swells more.  I am making all sorts of strange associations like this, in an effort to make myself more comfortable, but the truth is that I wake up at 4 am every night and cannot breathe well until the morning, tossing and turning, and suffering from restless legs as well.

That being said, it is still a pretty minor nuisance, since I nap during the day and I am not tired.  I feel great in the water, but as soon as I walk on land, especially if there is a bit of incline, my uterus becomes irritable and I get BH.  That never happens when I swim.  Very strange.  So lately swimming is the only way I can move.  I also discovered water running, with a belt around me to keep me floating, and just mimicking the running movement in the water, it is quite nice and gives me a chance to listen to the music in the pool.  The swimming pools in Vancouver are fabulous, the water is warm and there are large windows or skylights, making it such a pleasure to spend time in them.

I am starting to plan on how I will be losing the weight after I have Emma.  I have gained 40 lb during this pregnancy so far, and am counting on probably another 5 lb by the time I deliver.  I also started the pregnancy 10 lb heavier due to SuperFAT (you remember the stupid hormone they gave me for the last cycle to suppress ovulation, it made me gain 10 lb in three weeks on a 1500 calories a day diet).  So, all in all, I am looking at 50 lb to lose, likely about 30 of which will require work.  )With Adrian I lost 20 lb in one week after delivery, and had 5 lb left over to work on.  That's why I am assuming with Emma I will lose about 20 lb following the delivery).

I have never had to lose so much weight, and it seems a bit daunting.  I think initially I am not going to do much about it, since I have to establish breastfeeding and will be recovering from the C section, so other than eating healthy and avoiding deserts I cannot do (but that I am already doing, and still gaining, so I don't know that it will work much).  After about 4-6 weeks I will be allowed to exercise, and am planning to work my way towards an hour on the elliptical trainer five times a week (will start slowly) and, if I can bear to leave Emma for an hour or so in the evenings, to go swimming as well three times a week.  I also will take her for long walks, I think she will like that.  I am afraid of jogging with an extra 30 lb on board, that is asking for joint troubles.

I am looking forward to getting back my lighter and stronger body, but I still enjoy enormously being pregnant.  I don't want it to end anytime soon.  I love feeling Emma move, and the happiness of being round and beautiful.  I have waited to be big and pregnant for so long, that I don't want it to be over yet.  Perhaps in six weeks I will feel differently...

32w1d

I am continuing to do amazingly well.  I am swimming daily, and was thinking of asking if I can move into the pool, since I love it so much.  The best part about the swimming is the smell of chlorine and latex or silicone caps that people wear.  It is such a fresh and lovely combination, and since I am obsessed with wanting to chew on rubber, it makes my mouth water.  The second nice part is the lack of gravity.  Since I started swimming, my heels stopped hurting completely, I think that taking the pressure off my feet for one hour each day is very good for them. I also don't get swollen legs anymore.  The third nice part is the shower afterwards and the lovely body lotion from John Masters Organics that I splurged on (vanilla and blood orange).  It does not compare with the smell of rubber and swimming pool chlorine, but it is very nice nevertheless.  If they made the following fragrances into a room spray, I would buy them in bulk: rubber, leather, swimming pool, dusty street immediately after a fresh rain, ozone from my mom's cosmetic steam machine (you know, the one that cosmeticians use for a facial).

I am no longer worried that I will go into preterm labour, although two nights ago I dreamt that I was dilating painlessly again, and that I was starting to notice Emma's head coming out from my vagina.  In the dream, they put me in the hospital in Trendelenburg (upside down) in order to prolong the pregnancy.  Other than this dream, I don't have many other fears, except for the one major one that Emma will die in my belly before she comes out.  Like from a cord accident or some unknown cause.  Whenever she hasn't been moving for longer than an hour, I poke at her, and she is a good partner, kicking me back right away.  Her movement is constant and so rewarding!  If she moves at night when my sleep is light, I wake up and cannot sleep anymore from too much happiness.  Insane, I know.

pregnancy and facebook

I figured that it would be just about time to announce the news on facebook.  I was very reluctant at first, since I announced the first pregnancy at some point in the second trimester and then had to write about the loss, and it was not nice, although I did get a lot of supportive comments.  After Adrian, I stopped using facebook pretty much completely, as despite the work on myself it was still very hard to deal with other people's baby pictures and pregnancy announcements.  This is why I was reluctant to post anything.

Similarly, since I could not cope with going to baby showers, I feel a bit reluctant to let my mom throw me a shower in about two weeks.  I don't know why.  I mean it is not the same for the people who were invited to my shower as it was for me when I could not attend.

Certainly when one deals with loss, the isolation is a big problem, as people simply don't understand and make one feel left out of society.  The sense of marginalization worsens the loss to no end.  That is why this online community has been so helpful for me, and I suspect for the others that are part of it as well.  Before the internet, we would have been the only ones in our communities suffering such rare and repeated losses, and perhaps feel singled out.  Now we know that we are not alone.  I don't know why bad things keep on happening to people who already had bad things happen before, but this can drive one crazy were it not for the knowledge that it happens to others too (I mean this about repeated misfortune).

Sorry if this does not make any sense, but my Romanian grandmother came to visit for 6 months and she is talking non stop, hence I am trying to write this in English while she is chatting incessantly in Romanian, my poor brain trying hard to deal with both languages at the same time.  I think she thinks that I am writing an add for a dating service, because she asked me to post her picture on here as well perhaps she might find a suitable elderly gentleman to date :)

31.5 weeks

hard to believe

This pregnancy has gone so well and so smoothly that I am almost shocked.  I mean no bleeding, no cervical shortening, no real scares at all.  Everything is amazingly normal.  I cannot believe it on most days.  I still half expect to see blood when I wipe on the toilet, and when I don't see any I feel so blessed that I have this healthy big baby inside, that nothing else seems to matter.  And time is flying by!  I thought that I would be in anxiety hell this whole pregnancy, and instead I am loving it, and I am quite a lot more relaxed than I ever thought myself capable of.

Today I was in the lineup for the restrooms at the movies (saw Bridesmaids, funny and quite good) and I caught my reflexion in the mirror.  Well, let me tell you I had forgotten that I am pregnant for a moment, and I was shocked to see how huge I am.  It still feels like my body, with minor adjustments, mainly involving bladder real estate, but when I look in the mirror it looks so different!  And when I lie here thinking about the fact that I have a whole baby in my belly, a large one at that, I am in awe.  Is this really happening to me?  I didn't think it ever would.

30w4d, feeling sorry for the tuna

Hehehe, almost 31 weeks!  who would have thought?  And I must say I don't feel that much different from 24 weeks.  Once the nausea went away, I felt great and have very minor nuisances, with which I cope in ways I have discovered as time went on.  For the restless legs, a cold shower and dry brushing with a loofah before bedtime has helped.  Also, not allowing myself to get too tired, as when I am exhausted the RSL gets really ugly.  For the cellulite and weight gain, I found that water retention makes it look obvious, and in the mornings my legs are pretty close to normal, so I am sure that cutting back on the salt has helped.  No more french fries, or sushi (well, the occasional one is fine).

Yesterday I hovered over a piece of tuna sashimi and nearly started crying remembering The Old Man And The Sea.  For some reason, I haven't been able to eat tuna since I read this book.  Warning: Hemingway is not suitable in pregnancy.  Hormones, hormones... The poor old man and the poor majestic tuna fish...bhhhhaaaa....

I have discovered a new skincare line, in my quest for organic cosmetics.  It is called Jurlique, and although it smells herby, it is very nice for my acne-prone skin.  I must say, in this pregnancy, I have had nearly perfect pores, and only a handful of acneic lesions, so it might not be the perfect case study.  However, I have tried both Yonka and Jurlique, and I must say I like the ingredients and the smell in Jurlique better.  Their day lotion is very light and non comedogenic, and their toners are quite lavish (they call them "misters").  However, the best skin care product found so far will make you laugh.

I always rolled my eyes at people who use compressed Evian water to "refresh their complexion".  I mean c'mon, spending money on water in a can...how silly is that.  However, I stumbled upon a very much discounted can of Evian water and bought it just to have another silly laugh.  I am totally hooked!  It makes my skin glow with a dewy finish, and makes me feel so refreshed, especially with the recent heat and good weather.  I wonder if sometimes laughing at something isn't actually a sign that we subconsciously would like to have that item but for some reason won't allow ourselves to have it.

I am baking pretzels for my OB whom I am seeing today.  He made me promise I would bring him some next time.  I hope they turn out good, they smell divine.  And I only made four (sigh!).  The rest of the dough goes towards a large pizza for hockey night tonight.  I really hope the Canucks are going to win the Stanley cup, it would make my day!

sunny weather, and 29w3d

Finally, after all this rain, some sunshine!  It feels so good to be outside covered in sunscreen, donning a straw hat and sunglasses, sipping ice water.  I am addicted to sucking on ice cubes, which is strange given that prior to this pregnancy I used to ask the waiter to avoid any ice in my water at the restaurant (in North America you get a glass of ice plus water every time you go eat out, it is automatic.  For us Eastern Europeans who fear that ice gives you pneumonia and tonsillitis, it took a bit of getting used to).

I bought the crib!  it is so beautiful, it is a Stokke crib, and I got the organic mattress, which I swear costs as much as a normal adult queen mattress would.  My parents insisted on getting me the Stokke stroller, so I have the big purchases done.  I also got a car seat, one of those that you don't remove but rather just leave in the car, good until age 4.  I was told it is the best in safety as it has air pockets built in for side to side impact (which I promise to avoid).  Here are the pictures of the crib and stroller, except the stroller is in navy colour.