This was me last night: come home from work after working for four hours at a fairly fast pace, all wired up and full of tense energy. Yell at kids and husband because house not clean. Apologize and resolve to be a better person in the future. Put kids to bed and, instead of falling asleep, have a wonderful time with my husband, just chatting and relaxing. Feel like I have gotten over my tiredness and emotional fatigue associated with work. Wander to the kitchen, just to make sure that the fridge is still there. (Occasionally one has to check, you never know). Find blueberry pie in the fridge, about a third of a double crust pie leftover from the day before. Eat a big slice (with whipped cream). Mmmm, very good. Hit the spot. Eat another slice. Mmmm, still good. Definitely not hungry anymore. However, continue eating because this pie is so good, it is a shame to throw it away, and it would be weird to put in the fridge just a tiny piece left, all the while realizing that none of these reasons is a good reason to eat. In addition, I felt like my hand was moving by itself, my jaw was chewing by itself, and my actual brain was somewhere else, on a tropical island vacation.
I have not been in a mind space like this in a very long time, and it shows that I am overtired. I have decided today that any measure designed to help me do less work, or be more efficient at cleaning the house (or at work, if possible) is worth investigating. Hence, I have ordered a dictation software for work, instead of typing, and also I have thinned out a bit the toys that are lying all over the place (particularly the ones with many small pieces, you know what I mean). Anything that can help me streamline the process of tidying up a bit is worth the effort and sacrifice. And a bounty of toys plus cranky mother is not as good as a scarcity of toys plus happy mother. (Still aiming for the medium though :).